One of the challenges I have found in the past months is discovering that delicate balance between gratefulness for what we still have and dealing with the reality that it can never be the same. I determined in the beginning that I will look for the good in our situation--and there IS so much good. My husband can walk! For now it is slow, painful, limping--but it is walking.
And I am thankful.
But I miss his heavy, purposeful footsteps, always on his way to somewhere and always with a plan. I miss the spontanaity that was coming with this season in our lives, the ability to just get-up-and-go. We talked about things we want to do in the future, like traveling and taking up new hobbies.
And we may still be able to do some of those things in the future. We have no plans to give up! It's just that so much remains unknown. For the present, Carl will no longer be going to physical therapy. The doctor says walking will be his therapy throughout the next 6 weeks. After that, they will check to see if there is any potential for further bending in his right leg. (He has about 30 degrees of bend, which is enough to allow him to walk, but not enough to do stairs easily or sit comfortably in many of the normal places we go: church, a movie theatre, the bleachers at our kid's basketball games, an average vehicle.)
Sometimes I just want to go back to living the illusion that we have some control over our future and make plans accordingly. I want to know that we can return to Africa on a missions trip in June, I want to assume that we will be able to bike around the neighborhood again and work together in my flower gardens and have my husband take out the trash and fix things around the house.
And then I have to pull back again and remind myself to live TODAY--because that is all any of us have. There is strength for today, grace for today, mercies new each morning. Ps. 33:20 says "We put our hope in the Lord. He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in You alone."
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4 comments:
And thus comes another situation in life where we can choose to either believe IN God, or believe God...that this has not surprised Him, that it is part of the plan He has always had for you and Carl, that it is for your best and His glory, and whatever has been taken, something of great eternal value will replace it. I know you have both chosen that higher road, and that our God will not fail you. I have been "forced" to take those faith walks before, and have never been disappointed in what God had around the corner...you will not be either! Christmas blessings to you and your wonderful family from all of ours. Take care...Bill and Karen
Hi Fan, I appreciate your honest thoughts and feelings about your situation. Mourning of the loss of what "can never be the same" is very painful and also important in the process of adjusting to the new reality of your life. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you.
Cousin Kate
we can relate...fiinding the balance of being grateful and dealing with your new reality, it is hard.
may god draw near to you!!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
Love you guys
Judy
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