sleep

And if tonight my soul may find her peace in sleep,
and sink in good oblivion,

and in the morning wake like a new-opened flower

then I have been dipped again in God, and new-created.

~D.H. Lawrence

Wow, there's just nothing like a good night's sleep! Carl slept straight through the night last night for the first time in many weeks. Just pure, sweet sleep.... We both woke up this morning a bit confused, because it's been so long that it no longer felt normal to us. It is amazing how sleep affects energy level.

We think the new medication that Carl started just a few days ago may have kicked in or maybe it's that we went to bed later than usual since the kids were all here watching football until nearly midnight, or maybe it's just that he turned a corner--whatever the reason, we are very happy!

In other news, Carl designed a really neat tray (thanks to Brian at the shop for constructing it) that attaches to the front of his wheelchair and acts as a desk or table area. It comes complete with cup holder and pen holder. Our physical therapist thinks we should market the product!

9/25 update

Carl said as he laid on his bed to go to sleep last night, "Oh this is so comfortable..." and then as almost an afterthought, he added, "if it wasn't for the pain." We chuckled but the reality is that this is what he lives with everyday. On one hand, something can feel good for a short while but underneath is always the constant, aching pain. He does not complain though--I am amazed at my husband's attitude and how brave he is. A man named Brother Lawrence writes, "Be courageous. Offer your pains to God. Pray for the strength to endure. Above all, develop a habit of conversing often with God. Adore Him in your infirmities. At the very height of your suffering, ask Him humbly and affectionately (as a child to a good parent) to help you accept His will." I see my husband striving to do this and I am very proud of him. Many times a day though, I wish there was something I could do to make the pain go away.

We had a doctor appointment again yesterday with Carl's surgeon, Dr. Essis. He is very matter-of-fact and told Carl that he needs to see himself as a trauma patient for about 6 months. He will live with soreness and discomfort for quite awhile. The doctor said many patients recognize the severity of their injuries in the hospital but often feel like things will quickly get back to normal when they get back home. The thing is, "normal" simply has to happen one...day...at...a...time.

Carl's left leg is doing so much better, basically it is broken bones--and those heal. His right leg continues to be a challenge. Dr. Essis says that the human's thigh bone is so strong that there has to be significant trauma to break it. And when it breaks, there are usually other problems associated with the tendons, muscles, nerves, etc. Also of concern is a condition called "foot drop", which is a loss of the ability to raise the foot at the ankle. This leads to difficulty in walking and a floppy-appearing foot. Injury to the peroneal nerve (the one that is responsible for lifting the foot) often causes foot drop. Also the fact that Carl did not have blood flow to his right foot for 4-6 hours after the accident. We still believe that the nerve will rejuvenate itself with time. The doctor gave a foot brace for him to wear as much as he can tolerate it. It is uncomfortable but necessary.

Today we had lunch with some of Carl's family. They are some really wonderful people and such a support system for us! Thank you all.

Sunday, September 21

What a beautiful day! Don Hess came by for a visit after lunch and we took a walk outside. I wish summer would stay here forever... (unfortunately this is it--tomorrow is the first day of fall!)

10 reasons

10 reasons to be thankful today:

1. Summer's last hurrah--spectactular September weather

2. 100 quarts of fresh applesauce, canned assembly-line style in my garage, by wonderful hard-working friends/family

3. our back yard, newly mown and manicured to perfection by Carl's brother Jake

4. a delicious home-cooked supper, courtesy of Lill

5. Carl can lie on his side now, allowing us to (very carefully!)
half-snuggle for a few minutes at a time

6. a reading of 69 degrees in the ability Carl has to bend his left leg - better than just two days ago in therapy
(90 degrees is considered functional)

7. hot water and plumbers who know how to fix things

8. my hairdresser, Deanna, who has persevered through her share of physical challenges, and come through with shining colors

9. medical insurance

10. Grace for each day

therapy at home

Carl's in-home therapist comes to our house several times a week to work with him, helping to make his legs work again. It is such HARD work for Carl --and Jason is patient, reassuring, and positive, even on days when we don't see much change or progress. We try to celebrate as best we can the little things: feeling a hamstring on the back of his leg tighten just a little bit, the ability to lift his right leg a half inch higher than a few sessions ago, the degree of bend in his knees ( we check and re-check to see if it's more each time).

Oh, it feels like a long road ahead. It will be, but today we just have to do today.

meds update

After a few rough nights and a call to Carl's doctor, it was determined that his meds were being pulled back too quickly. So we will stick with his morphine-type pain medicine for a bit longer and try weaning off more slowly over a longer period of time. It is so important that his body is able to rest in order to heal.

We're finding that this is a trial-and-error endeavour, since every person's injuries are unique and everybody reacts differently to any given medication.

The physical therapist seems pleased with Carl's leg movement. He continues to have more sensation (burning, prickly, "sleeping", itching) in his right foot and they tell us that while this is annoying to experience, the flip side is that it means nerve endings are trying to rejuvenate.Carl also has some feeling in his big toe now, good news for when he learns to walk again!

phases of the sun

My sister Yvonne, her husband Lin and their four girls visited us today. Lin lost his mother in an accident nearly 8 years ago.

He encouraged us by reminding us that this event in our lives feels initally like direct sunshine, full on our face. It blinds us to all other parts of our normal lives, demanding constant attention and focus.Everything else gets put on hold.

In time the sun will move a bit, this incident will no longer be front and center, more off to the side of our peripheal vision. Other facets of our life will come back into play--our work, our kids activities, our relationships at church and in the community...

And eventually the sun will become just a gentle warmth on our back, reminding us of how this accident shaped us into the people we are, but it will be in the form of memories, no longer requiring our energy and focus. We will look back and see God's everlasting faithfulness and his constant presence with us throughout the entire process.

PS I'm looking forward to sunset!

therapy sessions

For the immediate future, Carl's in-home physical therapy is scheduled for 11:00-12:30 next Monday, Wednesday and Friday. He also has a doctor visit on Wednesday so that day will be pretty full.

follow-up visit

The meeting with our orthopedic surgeon went well. We were reminded again that medical technology has advanced such that even a mere 10 years ago, a leg as severely injured as Carl's right one was, would have had to be amputated. When we look at life that way, we have so much to be thankful for!

Carl will not be weight-bearing for 10 more weeks. That means living with a wheelchair until mid-November. But in the meantime his legs can become more agile with therapy and the harder he works now, the easier it should be to learn to walk again after he can stand.

The doctor kept telling me that I can't be "easy" on Carl, because he needs to work hard on range of motion every day. Those of you who know me well know that's not my personality---it looks like I will need to stretch and grow too! It helps a lot that Carl is self-motivated, so I think he'll do well.

Starting today, Carl is going to slowly "wean" off the narcotics that he has been on since his accident. Dr. Essis told him to expect some anxiety, nervousness and sweats, a withdrawal of sorts. Will you pray that he will not need to experience these symptoms? I believe the peace of God can guard his heart and his mind and that he will not need to feel these side effects.

Carl's first in-home physical therapy session is scheduled for tomorrow at 1:00. After that we will know his ongoing schedule.

appointment

At 2:20 today, we have an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon who performed all of Carl's surgeries. This is the first time Dr. Essis will have seen Carl since August 20, (the date of his last operation.) We are excited about the appointment and hoping the doctor will be able to give us a sense for how well Carl's injuries are healing internally and a better idea of when he will be able to bear weight. I am trying hard not to set unrealistic expectations and yet balance it with believing for "better than we expected!" I know God is able to make this healing process go quickly.

guest book entry

Entry from our Guest Book 9/8/08:

"The wounded (John Stoltzfus) and the formerly wounded (Glenn Smoker) visiting the more wounded (Carl Smucker)"

Today's Tribute

On Wednesday evening, August 6, we hosted our HomePlace Structures Employees Picnic in the backyard of our home. None of us could have known that early the next morning, Carl and I would not be coming to work --and we would both be out of the office for the forseeable future.

There are no appropriate words to express our gratitude to these wonderful people for what they have done for us this past month. Helen Keller once said, "The world is moved along, not only by the mighty shoves of its heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker."

Since August 8, these faithful men and women have been steadily, daily, working in our office, our warehouse and our manufacturing facility--all with almost no contact from us. Each one has come through for us in a way that few employees are ever asked to do. We are humbled by their faithful service to our company.

With gratefulness, we recognize:

Rich and Bonnie Sauder

Anita Southam

Lisa Warren

Will Stoltzfus

Stephanie Rychlak

Josh Christ

Brian Horst, Denny and the guys at Pinnacle

Mandi Stoltzfus

Our delivery people and installers who work with us on a daily basis.

home again, home again

After 30 days in the Hospital and Rehabilitation Center, Carl came home today-- in the pouring rain! The ramps worked beautifully and when he was wheeled inside he said, "Just let me smell the place!" It really is wonderful to have him here with us. Little things mean so much: sitting around the dinner table to eat home-cooked food or relaxing in a room that is at normal temperature (hospitals are so cold!) and just being able to be together without driving 25 minutes to get there.

The kids (except for Doug at market) all came by this evening so we took a picture to show you our new set-up in the great room. Carl's hospital bed is set up right next to a bed for me: I will sleep well tonight!

There will be adjustments as we try to figure out new ways to do things, but we'll learn.

For now, it's good to be home.

getting ready

Thanks to Marlin, Lin, Jake and Darrell for readying our house for Carl's arrival on Saturday. These guys are great! They built ramps so Carl can manuever his wheelchair from the garage into the house and then out on to the back patio/yard. We cleared the front room of all its furniture so they could build a "runway" across the sunken space to allow Carl access to the bathroom around the corner.

My personality can tend to be bothered by changes that affect my daily life (like messing with my furniture!) Interestingly this time it doesn't seem like a big deal. Maybe I'm looking at life with a new perspective, maybe I'm so relieved to be coming home that it doesn't matter, maybe it's just God's continued grace and the prayers of His people. Whatever it is, I'm grateful.

On the other hand, I feel a bit nervous about Carl coming home. Whenever I left the hospital or rehab these past 4 weeks, there was someone else on duty. Now, it feels like the responsibility lies heavily on me. For you moms, remember how it felt the day you brought your first baby home from the hospital? I remember thinking,"What in the world am I doing? I have NO idea how to do this job!"

It is good to know though that this season is just temporaray. Each day Carl is able to do something he couldn't do the day before (that's his goal!) Today he was able to lift his right leg up about an inch off the bed: hard work, but he did it. His left leg, which was not as badly injured, is progressing nicely and will likely be the one that will bear his weight first.

It sounds like Carl will be picked up at the Rehab Center at 12:00 on Saturday.

We'll be in touch with you after we are settled in at home.

news about home

We got word today that Carl will be coming home on Saturday! He will be transferred from the Rehab Center by wheelchair van. An order was placed today for the things we'll need to "do life" at home for now: a hospital bed, wheelchair, portable toilet, tub bench. My brothers-in-law have graciously offered to build ramps around the house and already some furniture is being moved to make more room. Thanks to Jason (Graybill Plumbing) for being willing to work this job into his schedule to do some quick modifications to the tub and sink.

Since Carl can not travel in a car yet, his therapists will be coming to the house for the time being. We'll find out more details about that by week's end and will post the tentative therapy schedules then. We hope you all will stop by to see us during the times he is free!

It feels a little scary to think about this next step, but the over-riding emotion is one of excitement. It hasn't felt truly like home since Carl has been gone and I look forward to him being there with our family again.

Fan

Labor Day

Carl continues to improve daily. Last evening Marlin and Janet, along with Doug and Mandi and Carl and I sat outside in the Rehab courtyard until dark, enjoying the spectacular weather. It felt so "normal" to sit and visit. Thanks for the wonderful snacks: hard pretzels, bologna and cheese--perfect! Carl is able to sit up in his chair for longer periods of time now and enjoys visitors in the evenings.

Today the doctor removed 159 metal stitches from Carl's legs! The sutures are healing nicely, with no drainage and very little swelling: in fact the nurses keep saying how "beautiful" his legs look--and they mean it!

Thanks to Merrill who sat with Carl through his entire afternoon therapy session today. I think he was impressed that Carl can now move himself from bed to wheelchair and back all by himself! I know WE are impressed---just days ago it took me plus two other nurses and a slider board to accomplish the same feat. Carl has a strong upper body and strong arms, we are just so grateful that he had no injuries from the waist up.

Aaron and Becky provided foot rubs and a shoulder massage for Carl this afternoon as well. Touch is very healing, in fact nerve endings can be rejuvenated just by physical touch.Our bodies are so fearfully and wonderfully made!

If you would like to visit, Carl will be happy to see you. Keep in mind that his daily therapy sessions are from 10:00-11:30 and then again at 1:00-2:30 so he is usually available after 3:00.

Thank you for the many ways you show your love each day.

Fan