Grad Party

Last evening we hosted our first picnic of the summer, a graduation celebration for Tessa. It was a beautiful Spring Sunday and it was great to have family and friends here! There were dozens of teenagers in the backyard, and Carl, who is definitely in his element in these settings, organized a Bocce Ball Tournament for the kids--with prize money for the winners! He gave four-wheeler rides to the little ones and did all his behind-the-scenes organizing, as he always does.

But he pays a price for this "normalcy". At night, after he is more active than usual, his foot screams at him. The pain wears on him, it tires him, it slows him...

After nearly 10 months, it is hard for me to see him still dealing with pain on a daily basis. And I am powerless to do anything about it. At this point he basically has two options, neither one very good: either live with pain or live with the effects of drugs. And because I am in this with him, those are also my choices, although from a slightly different perspective. (I often think about how Carl used to tell me while I was laboring to give birth to one of our children, how helpless he felt. I think I sort of know now what he meant.)

I am researching and learning about chronic pain, although I even hesitate to label it this way. Neither Carl nor I believe his pain will go on for always, we continue to hope and pray that the nerves in his foot will heal, that his leg muscles will strengthen, that he will not have to experience so much discomfort permanently.

But if the "diagnosis" qualifies even for the short run, at least I feel like I have somewhere to turn for some understanding and clarity.

According to experts, you can live a full and meaningful life in spite of health issues. Millions of people living with chronic conditions have used their struggles as a springboard for spiritual, relational and emotional growth. Many have gone on to launch new ministries, careers, and friendships. Eventually, as we are finding, you adjust to a new normal.

I know it's possible to learn to cope successfully with limitations—we just need to remember that we are not dealing only with physical symptoms; instead, we're learning to cast everything in a different light-- relationally, emotionally, spiritually and physically.

We are not alone but sometimes it does feel lonely. No one can live this life for Carl, not even his "want-to-fix-everything" wife. He does not complain. His true colors come through over and over and he does not take out his frustrations on his family. In fact, I really believe this experience has brought us closer.

Isaiah 61:3: "To console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified."

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)